Why I’m No Longer Interested in Finding Myself

The title of this blog is Finding Marshall, which implies that I’m on some great search to discover myself. To find out what makes me tick. What makes me happy. What is wrong with me. What is right with me. To put it simply – to ‘find’ myself, the person that I truly am.

Four years into this great ‘discovery’ process, I now understand that ‘finding’ myself can be dangerous to my personal growth. If you ‘discover’ who you are, then you have to be that person. If you change, then you are no longer the person you thought you were, which is a terrifying thought. If you improve the type of person you are (aka, grow in a positive way), then you are no longer the person that you ‘found’.

If you pigeonhole yourself into one idea of who you think you are, then any changes, any improvements, are a threat to who you’ve ‘figured’ yourself out to be. So you don’t change. And all of us need to change. All of us should be constantly improving.

I’m no longer trying to ‘find myself’. I hope I never do. I want to always be changing. Always be evolving. Always be discovering. Always be doubting. Always be questioning. Always be improving. Never ‘finding’ myself.

While it’s not an easy thing to change the name of this blog (and I’m not going to), Finding Marshall has a different meaning to me today then it did 4 years ago when I bought the domain name. Now it represents the hope that I NEVER find myself. That I always question my thoughts. My beliefs. Myself. And that I never settle for the current Marshall. That I always want to improve who I am.